I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
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