Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just threw up on my dentist
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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