First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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