I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
