another moral hangover. fuck.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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