I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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