Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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