Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
birth control should be required to get into college
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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