i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
