i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
it's like heaven, but drunker
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
