when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
ok first of all what the fuck
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
