I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
