Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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