This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize