I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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