We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i just google imaged poop.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
