ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
