Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
