Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
