last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Randomize
