That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
