I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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