dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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