About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
