as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
