I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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