I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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