his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
