i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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