You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
