I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
