Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
