you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
