There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
