My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
