I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
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