do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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