now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Terrible idea I love it
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
