I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
