I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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