Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
