My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
