his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
