smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
