maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
