Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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