The brown eye won't let me do that either.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
my liver is dry heaving
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
