All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
