I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
my being single is dangerous.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
