i permit you to call me
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
