I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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