Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
