hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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