Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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