Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
