The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
