Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
