Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I think my fart just growled at me.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
