I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
