That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize