I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
