Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
