dude i'm inner monologue high
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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