My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
