$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize