Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
