I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
