dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
