Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
high people should be assigned attendants
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
