I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize