I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
