I feel like I'm in dance class right now
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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