Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
